This journey has been my most challenging and rewarding one and its not over yet! I have kept this news to myself as I knew once it became open to all people that I would be up against everyones feelings of their own perceived “sickness” and “death.” I would be faced with others sadness and heart breaks which really has nothing to do with me but has to do with their own ideas of what stage 4 breast cancer means to them. If we are really attuned and present to anothers situation maybe we would take the moment the information is received, process our own feelings in it first and then come forth present to what this person actually wants to hear or needs. We would approach this person who just placed themself raw and naked before us with probably the most intimate information they were carrying, with the utmost of sensitivity. Asking what they may need from us, what we might be able to do for them or offering an ear to listen or arms to hug! I have learned a tremendous amount already with this gift in my breast. One of the lessons is to be attuned to another human being means putting my own filters, ideas, thoughts and feelings aside and really checking in to what this other person really needs and wants above and beyond mine. This is truly being supportive and there for another, selfless I believe its called.
Maybe part of this journey is for all of us who touches their eyes to this page, to take a step back, breathe, feel our own stuff that arises first and if it activates a sadness or heartbreak (whatever emotion it provokes in you) that we process this first before reaching into this person’s life. I can tell you being on the other end of all of you and receiving all your emotions and feelings it takes up my very precious energy processing now your feelings of my shared experience. And really if you were sitting where I am, which you are not, you may be able to understand that I have my own feelings that I have been processing. I require all my energy these days to focus on my health regime, my diet, juicing, processing old emotions that have been stored in my body, getting to my treatments and getting through my treatments, getting my local food picked and picked up, and now I have to look for a new home amongst all of this! So as you can see my plate is very full without having to process your experience in this. The biggest support right now is helping me in the areas I mentioned above, asking if I need something picked up, can I take you somewhere, asking how am I feeling today, would I like a visit, a drive, a ride to one of my treatments, a short walk around the block!? This is how you can help or support me if this is your wish. If what you want is to lay your internal process at my feet then I say, bless you, you are welcome for this moment for you to process grief or sadness in yourself and when you are ready to offer your support then please come forth, selfless. And if you find I was a catalyst for your healing of these emotions then this is awesome and I wish you peace and love! And please do not approach me with your heart ache, sadness or grief unless you ask me if I have the space to hold this with you. I ask you to process this before you offer anything! And if you have nothing to offer I am grateful you found this clear channel in yourself.
My health regime and treatments are causing detox affects in my body making me tired, lethargic and not alot of excess energy. This is right now and I know this will shift as I progress in my journey. I share this right now so you know where I am, what my capacity is and my energy level is. This has not been easy to express such truth, to be so transparent in front of everyone as I was always the one helping and supporting. And now I am at my most vulnerable, humbled beyond and in a state of receiving which has also been my greatest gift to date!
I hope you will take this information and truly look at yourself and how you react or respond to people in your life. I am certainly not telling you to not feel your emotions or have your unique experience with anyone however I am calling a deeper wisdom and presence to be when we are offering anything to anyone! And just maybe we can all become better humans by showing up truly attuned and selfless with another when we think we are offering our help.
Many blessings and love for us all here as we walk each other home!!!