An old wound flooded to the surface while watching a movie based on a true story the other night. I was feeling really uncomfortable in my body the more I watched it. After it ended I discovered that I had a lot of stuff still trapped within me around my father. I realized that my Dad was never there in my life from the time I left home at 14 yrs old.
My process carried over into the next days ahead under the surface waiting. My friend had visited in the morning, I had a treatment in the city that morning after she left, a shopping trip for local produce and a dentist appointment to check a very sore tooth. After returning home I had a complete and utter meltdown. The news I got from the dentist wasn’t good and I relapsed into hopeless, helpless, what’s the use? This went into a deep crevice, a very painful one and brought to the surface this visceral scream. It sounded as though I had just been hunted and taken down! The screaming continued it would not stop! Then I collapsed into the most deepest sobbing I have ever experienced unable to control it, lost like a baby when screaming and crying to be fed. My friend popped back over on her way home and we went even deeper into this wounding around my father. What came through would change my biology as I know it. She picked through all the debris and found this, “he never picked you!” I wept and wept and still am weeping. This split in my psyche is so vast and been there so long I created my living world around it. Picking men who could not be there and those that could would never do as they had their own issues which I would reject eventually because I believed “he will never choose me!” WOW!!! THIS IS LIFE CHANGING!!!
Now equipped with the running program “he will not choose me” I have begun the grieving of my life, that my father actually never did pick me. That I used this limited belief all my life with men. And now am fully aware of the technology that was operating and am actively changing this!
By becoming aware of my programming I can begin the grief, awareness, and change process. And it has begun, my genius intelligence works 24/7 behind the scenes and I do the conscious cognitive work up front.
I can feel my body, biology and state changing everyday. This kind of work gets into the deeper parts of our body where disease builds from and dissipates it, reducing and removing tumors and illness from the body.
I believe in this work whole-heartedly! It is absolutely essential health care. I am blessed for my friends whom are my tribe, my sisters! For without them I could not heal myself fully!
Many blessings and love on this path!!!