Well, this is going to be my toughest blog yet!!! I have just plummeted into such darkness that I know this is not just my own! This is a collective consciousness process. As a medicine woman a lot of my journey has been to go into the darkest depths of the human psyche. I have reached this this morning of what I believe to be the Core WOUND/FRACTURE/SPLIT in the human.
I awakened to this utterly failed energy. I am a useless human being, not worth anything, something to be discarded!!! What is behind this experience? The thought, ‘I don’t have enough money to look after myself in this world.’ ‘I don’t make enough money to even pay for rent.’ A useless human, at the bottom of the barrel, thrown out, removed from society because I am classified as “poor.” NOT ENOUGH MONEY! THERE IS NO PLACE FOR ME HERE!!! This is where this mind goes.
I am feeling what it is like to be human in this era without enough money. It is so big I am having a hard time holding it all. And I don’t see how I am going live here if this is the collective belief? I am doomed! This story experiencing itself through me right now feels so hopeless and helpless, it’s horrible. I feel trapped, incapable of surviving right now as though I have nothing this world values. It’s the darkest of dark, “dark night of the soul.” I had to share this with someone I could trust and I shared it with my dear friend R this morning as I came back through it! The sadness is turning to grief and despair, I feel utterly alone in it.
As a medicine woman it has become apparent to me that I live through real time experiences. This is in order to embody the truly felt reality of each of the beliefs of our consciousness playing out here. It is not to abandon my own truth either because I am part of this reality that believes itself to be worthless if it doesn’t have money. So here I am with a diagnosis of breast cancer, in the eyes of a 3-dimensional reality, I am one of the sick. Unable to work to earn its keep. Not enough money to pay for even my own home let alone food, utilities, phone, water, clothing, etc. “A burden” to this society! All of this violates me with each word. I feel what it’s like to hit absolute despair of the human condition with money being the top valuing system. I know many are reaching this point right now, some unable to process it, fathom themselves as worthless without money yet living, breathing and walking here! And without money it is the walking dead, banished, thrown on top of a heap of others who also are worthless. Burn them up and remove the weak and useless of our society. If you are not a slave, earning your keep, compromising to make ends meat and suffering to just get through this shitty job then one is shamed, classed in poverty and sentenced to inhumane conditions!
I recognize this as a huge belief in our collective consciousness. I sit with this as if it is my own and feel it as a hot branding melting my skin.
Can we believe that this is one of the biggest failures of our society? Or do we continue to project our own terror and incapacity on those who we perceive as poor and we are unable to see this in ourself? Take away your job, you still have to pay bills, keep up, yet unable to make it anymore. Does this flesh and blood, intelligent mind and wonderous gifts of being human become obsolete without money because it can’t pay for what should be its God-given rights to life? Drastic change is in order, God never set the standard that only the “strong survive and the weak perish.” God is an all-loving energy, there is no strong or weak, only equal beings all here walking each other home. It is the EGO that judges, separates, creates hierarchy, higher and lower class. God recognizes all of our gifts as precious and special, equal in value just different. Thank God for our differences as we all bring a part of the whole to the table of life!