Complaining? Time to look deeper!

Are we complaining about someone before we actually look at what we have done or not done with or to this person? I find complaining is a useless act in life. I use to complain, judge, bicker and be utterly unaware and insensitive to what another person was going through or even actually doing. The ego in me wanted to be heard and seen in my injustices (perceived) by this person. Now, I am not trying to say that others don’t do awful, terrible and bad stuff. However when I began unravelling what it was that I was or wasn’t doing with respect to people I could begin to take responsibility of what I was doing and participating in. Rather than complain about someone, my inquiry would be; what was my part in this feeling I am experiencing? And usually I had not spoken up, said what was my truth, allowed something to happen that I knew didn’t feel right, or simply said yes when I meant no. This other person may be pushy, bossy, and imposing however no one can put this on me, I have to consent. What I found when complaining about the event was that I had alot to say about what the other person was doing to me. When I became aware of how horrible I felt I began to realize that the gift was coded into what I was saying. When I flipped my words around, I could hear and see everything that I was doing or not doing! Infact the opposite was true, if I said that this person made me feel like I had to say yes to what they asked I knew that my ability to say no or check in to see what felt right for me in that moment was missing. If I had taken some time with the discomfort of their ask I would have found a no or redirected what would work for me. I was actually mad at myself for consenting to something that wasn’t right for me at that moment. And I had learned to project and blame my inability to know what was right for me on the other. This breeds egotistical behavours which look like complaining, judging, projecting, and criticism. When it is really about learning my truths, setting appropriate boundaries for myself and being responsible/accountable. No one can make me do something, say things, or act in a certain way unless they use there physical power to wield toxic demands. This is another topic all together.

So rather than complain I began to examine what I was feeling when in relationship to another. I discovered I had an entire system built in that could discern, negotiate, and speak my truth. I could pause and take time to assess if the ask was in alignment to what I could or couldn’t do. I had a powerful knowing and voice to speak that aloud. My relationships got better, people whom were not operating in this way dropped out of my life, my interactions were clear and aligned. I felt inspired by my relationships. And my world got alot easier to be in. All my relationships are healthy and respectful. I too learned that others needed to find their truth and alignment to self as well. I integrated a respect for their no and redirect.

So the next time you feel like complaining about another, pause, take some time to look at what you did or didn’t do! Try saying no, redirecting with another option that works for you and be open to their no as well. Know that nothing is personal it’s all based around what individuals capacities and needs are which have nothing to do with you!!

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