September of 2020 NOW/ March of 2022
March 31, 2022
Well its been over a year since I have updated here.
WOW where has this beautiful time gone?
Devoted to my every need, calling, process and integration. I have gone deeper into my core wounding and pain body story than ever before. I have sat with the deepest of fears of “not existing here anymore” and found a tremendous peace and excitement of transcending in this body to my next life. I have discovered that I am not done here yet and that is why I am still here after a 3 month diagnosis back in September 2020. Well that’s not the only reason why I am here. I have processed some of my deepest and darkest secrets and pain. Worked tremendously hard on my health regime, diet, environment and life in general. I have sought out counselling and holistic therapy treatments of all kinds. If you want to know some of the really awesome stuff I have done for my body, mind, soul and emotional field please contact me for a consultation.
Discovering each day is a gift, is a call to be my best or worst, challenges me in every way, supersedes my every idea and dream and summons me to live the mundane day to day stuff, the quiet, the perceived boredom and nothingness. I have found a deep peace and immense gratitude for my home, my bed, my dark room that I rest in every night, getting up and emptying the dishwasher, watching the rain and being inside for months at a time without going out into the world. Every morning that I wake up I say out loud, “I am grateful that I am taking a breath today! I am grateful that my body can feel what it feels right now. I am grateful for waking up today and curious what the day will bring. I am grateful for the rest I have had. I am grateful for this day and am living my best life today.” I add and tweak this each day matching what my heart needs.
I am sitting here on March 31, 2022 typing this update and looking outside at the green grass, the blue sky and the shade my bamboo plant is making and feeling such a bounty, excitement and love for all that I am… all that is here… all that will be and all that can be!
I do not know how long I will be walking this earth in this beautiful amazing strong vessel of Dana Lynn and every moment is a magnificent gift of the highest that I am here, today, with all of my family, tribe, resources and life.
How is my health you all may be wanting to ask? I am GREAT, GOOD, AWESOME, have had my share of tough moments and days, but for the most part I am functioning in my day to day activities very well. I am excited, inspired and have energy to do stuff. My strength is definitely coming back more and more each day. The tumor on my right breast has decreased probably 70% to 80%. I had a giant open wound on the breast that has completely healed over and is sitting with a permanent scab right now. I didn’t think that this gaping hole in my chest on my breast would heal at times but I stayed with it, tending to it with natural remedies and medicines and a lot of affirming statements of wellness.
Don’t get me wrong, this has not been an easy journey at all. It is not for the faint at heart for sure. I had days, weeks and months sometimes of suffering, dark thoughts, suicide ideas, massive discomfort in my body and chest area, heart arrhythmia (up to 190 beats per minute), such profound itching on my breast I wanted to rip it off, skin eruptions all around my chest and under my arms, and had a tooth pulled the day after my Dad passed away. In the first part of my journey I found out my left lung had collapsed, was filled with a fluid that was coming from my right breast tumor which made it impossible for me to walk 10 feet without utter exhaustion. This thru my heart into an arrhythmia that took me to the hospital where I was hospitalized for 4 days in the intensive care unit. By the time I came out of there I felt like I was going to die. I went on to have several procedures done to empty the fluid in the pleural cavity of the lung that was EXCRUITATINGLY PAINFUL. Then they recommended that I have an operation where they would put in a permanent catheter to empty the lung. This was horrific for many reasons, unable to now lay on my right side or back. Couldn’t have a bath because that could cause an infection inside my lung ( I am a bath person, hate showers), it was extremely painful healing from the operation and caused a PTSD response every time they had to drain the lung (which was twice a week for months). I had to deal with all my ideas around dying that weren’t so positive while I dealt with horrific symptoms and procedures. Realizing that my death story was very dark and depressing actually. It was filled with pain, suffering, sorrow, grief and loss. I didn’t even know I had a death story until I was faced with my own. There were a lot of moments that were incredibly hard, beyond that really, they felt impossible to come through. Living with a body that has health challenges changed the way I could show up and CHANGED MY ENTIRE trajectory of my life. I was living on a farm, back to the land, homesteading as I always dreamed of doing. Composting everything from my daily kitchen scraps, grey water and my humanure waste. I was planting a medicine garden, growing potatoes for the first time, re-using everything for multiple purposes and living in rhythm with nature. I was residing in a 28ft 5th wheel trailer I had renovated myself and had invested in a mini woodstove that I was having installed at the end of September 2020. I had gone out and got all my wood for the winter coming even with a fully collapsed lung.
Apparently I had to have my entire life kidnapped and taken to propel me down this path of discovery. Why would I have to go through this incredible suffering and terrifying journey? To find God, of course! This has made me even better than I was. I couldn’t have come to this place of revelation and change my death story without being forced face to face with the perceived idea of losing everything that I held valuable, to find what is truly important. What you ask is that well you will have to read my next blog to find out that one.
In conclusion I have come to the place that I am not fighting nor trying to survive breast cancer. With this gift I have discovered a much deeper and profound way of being here, what I actually value and a sense of presence of just being here and staying aware to what is showing up. I still have tough moments, days, sometimes more than one day and I am present to whatever is revealing itself in that. I celebrate the days that I am creative, inspired, moving, cleaning and being. And the other days I welcome the rest and contemplation.
I am updating this page as I have transitioned into yet another part of this journey. The initial name of this journey was “Dying to Live” and now with all the work I have done, the processing and deep awareness and messages that have come through the name of this no longer suits where I am in this process. What has come is “Thriving to Live”
December 1, 2020
The beginning of yet another journey of living, oh actually dying, oh wait, “Dying to Live.” Here I am December 1, 2020 with a diagnosis of stage 4 breast cancer. On September 12, 2020 I was taken into the hospital with heart arrhythmia which I have had since birth. My heart was at 185-200 beats per minute and I could not bring it back into a regular rate I tried all my tricks that had brought it back all of my life. Twenty hours later my dearest friend/sister came to me in tears pleading that I go to the hospital, it was in her eyes I could see clearly that I had to surrender. Tears now running down my cheeks, her and my other close friend drove me to the hospital, covid time and my phobia of hospitals, we arrived to two huge white tents out front. Two soft and gentle angels greeted us and brought a wheelchair very quickly seeing I was weak and fading out of consciousness. The three of us had made a pact before leaving for the hospital that we would not leave each others side. This was immediately broken and not by us but the hospital policy with covid restrictions!
My sister in tears outside the door where I was taken into the emergency shared with a hospital worker that part of our medicine is tribe and being together in our worst times, heart broken, her and I we had to release one of our biggest medicines in that moment. The worker she spoke with told her that the Indigenous people were not coming to the hospital anymore because they could not be with their tribe while there. My phobia of hospitals was amplified with the covid restrictions and without my biggest medicines of tribe with me I had to step into a reality that was so far away from my roots. As love would have it, a number of angels stepped up as hospital nurses and workers tended to me with as much compassion and love as they could muster up.
It was a hard 4 nights journey and although they had strict restrictions around visitors, well no visitors, I some how was allowed to have my one visitor who stayed until he had to leave by 8pm each night. I had twelve different doctors in total come to my bedside and impose their diagnosis and treatments to me every day. I felt like I was swimming in a river of parana’s. No escape from the onslaught day after night; hooked up to equipment, electro frequencies in the environment, iv’s with medication, lights on all night, no true darkness for a healing restful sleep, no fresh air, tribe/family and a continuous reality that insisted I was going to die and die very soon! Thank god for the medical team finding the right lung full of liquid and being able to drain it. This and a medication put my heart back into a regular rate. I am immensely grateful for western medicine when it comes to procedures that support a shift until one can get their own self back on track. To all the staff in emergency on September 12, 2020 THANK YOU for saving my life!!! And thank you for all the doctors that drove me into an almost 3 month depression, nothingness, no will to live, hopelessness and helplessness so that I could fall into the deepest cave to IGNITE a SPARK so bright and brilliant that my will to live would be restored anew again!
A will to live from yet a whole new other place, without the prognosis of death I would not have found this passion for “Dying to Live!” I have created this site on my website to record my journey with stage 4 breast cancer, my personal story of what this has inspired, to a deeper devotion to my body (temple) and my diet more fine tuned than ever before and deeply knowing that connection and relationship to people, my tribe, my family, friends, potential friends and strangers is my greatest medicine in this life, the gold nugget! Together we will journey to places you or I would not have unless this prognosis had happened. Life has a funny way of bringing us together and I am learning to accept and allow these mysteries to guide me into the abyss without a clue as to what to do next!
Please continue to follow me on this journey as I walk a tight rope of the mystery of life, falling off sometimes, staying on and discovering, becoming more attuned to my self, others, animals, the earth and everything. And learning how to stay in the unknown, a place where nothing in this reality is of inspiration to me anymore and beginning anew without all my things that held me together, inspired me, drove me and now created stage 4 breast cancer. WOW what a mystery, what a life, what a world!!!
Please follow on my main page on my website http://www.thedharmacy.com as I will be blogging there on my journey. All my blog posts pertaining to this journey will have a main title of Dying to Live with a sub title as well on the particular theme of that blog.
Thank you from my deepest heart and sincere immense gratitude for you and your courage.
I am enclosing a contact form here in case you want to contact me.