Update in homefullness!!! WOW!!! Now taking it to the next level! Meeting more aspects of my fear of not having comfort in a certain way that I believed gave me a sense of safety, what I think I need to feel safe is being questioned at yet another level in my psyche, IAM HERE, SHOOT!!! I didnt think I had to explore here but I am.
Been listening to Matt Kahn and Kryon ALOT, the messages they channel are truly of the divine consciousness. Without listening to this and remembering my own higher consciousness I would be an absolute wreck right now. My stress level is high, feeling shaken to the core just yesterday and then it heightened into the evening becoming more intense. And now today the anxiety is lingering.
I am discovering more of why we are a culture, alone, set in survival, full in our own lives, maxed out, nothing left to give after our work week, locking ourselves up in our houses once freed from our slave job, any bit of pushing into our wounded boundaries set up because we are so out of sink with our true nature and path we cant really be there for others, in our homes in even more isolation. Desperately putting up one shield after another, justifying our reasons for walking away from helping, it’s just too much for me at this time, it’s too uncomfortable, I dont have the space for you with everything going on in my life. I have received an understanding of this reality that is being lived out here. I know I am suppose to write about it, shine the light on this lonely reality where so many are barely holding on, fighting for their survival, trapped in a life they hate, on the hamster wheel day after day, thinking this is the way because WHAT ELSE IS THERE???
GOTTA make the money to survive here, pay the bill’s, be ok in this life, afford my necessities, yet the very thing, SURVIVAL, is making this life unbearable and forcing a society into being robots, isolated, angry, highly stressed and unable to be a community where we help each other when others are truly in need. We are unable to even help those who fall below this level as alot of people are in their own survival mode just living in this world. Unable to cope with themselves come the weekend, their misery, sorrow, suffering from their deep compromise of buying into the whole 3D Matrix Reality of “Working for a living!”
We know things are not ok when you cant even get a local doctor anymore, when the pharmacy and bars are the services that are open the latest, as well as Wall Mart. When on a sunny Saturday in October before 5pm, the local bar is full, Tim Hortons is lined up out the door and the Dog Shack restaurant is full up. Oh and the local bakery, with all its white flour and sugar delights have been sold out with a lineup out the door still at 4pm.
Do you wonder why you feel alone, isolated, highly stressed about the simple things in life like when you go to get the scissors in your drawer and you lose your shit because they arent there!? You feel like you cant live the life you want, buy all the new things you so desperately ache for, imagining your life will be so much happier if you had them all or could go on that vacation, take that course you are so interested in. Paying your bill’s just keeps you in the mode of living paycheck to paycheck. Racking your credit card and overdraft up every month, getting farther and farther behind, ITS THE PERFECT SLAVE SYSTEM!!! We fight between us when someone wants to get out and do something different other than work 9 to 5 Monday to Friday. We disempower and humiliate those who try to step away from it all because it hits our own powerlessness of our own circumstances. AND let us not forget suffering needs others to suffer! We turn on those who have the courage to try something else thinking that’s too far fetched, or they’re users, scammers, lazy and dont want to work for a living like I am doing! Yes you are right, I DONT WANT TO WORK FOR A LIVING!!! I AM SICK AND TIRED, literally, of trying to put myself into surviving here to just be further in the hole, unhappy, sick and disempowered. Never getting any real sense of Thriving, Community, Love, Compassion, and True Abundance that doesnt come with compromise and suffering.
I have checked out in a way that has taken all the courage I have had and then some. To live without my creature comforts, A HOME!!! The everyday knowing where my toilet is, my running water, a bath or shower, my food in cupboards, a FRIDGE AND FREEZER to put my food I will eat in the future away! A bed that is there every night ready, warm and comfortable. A roof and walls to keep me warm, safe and locked up from life!!! A garbage can, recycling bins and a compost. My closet full of clothes to wear and laundry to wash them.
I chose to get a 5th wheel trailer to take myself on another journey, to get on the land, become closer to the earth, attune myself to nature, its rhythms, to be more accountable of my usages, resources I need, to be responsible for keeping warm, dry, my power, my waste, to have to grow my food and to learn how to do all this as sustainably as possible. It is taking everything I have as a human, a soul to walk here, to exist here, to survive here and to THRIVE!!! I am without home, I have termed it homefullness because using the word homeless made me feel destitute, alone, cold, unsuccessful, a failure in life… and I have failed in this life because I dont want to be successful in the world of the 3 D matrix. I am trying a new world, a new way, a way in which I am with me, present, maybe afraid at times, deeply joyful in other times, wild, free to some degree but not fully, on my way there to a world I want to show up in everyday, a life I want to work in, living my passion daily, accountable and responsible for my waste, my garbage, my water, my warmth, my food and my happiness.
So in saying all this if you are moved please offer me a place to land for a lunch, a dinner, a chat, I am also a great listener, a night to rest or 2, some positive cheering on, a few kind words of loving compassion for my courage to take this on or a gentle smile in my direction. Thank you everyone who is here on this planet, we are all just walking each other home no matter what part you play.